I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize