i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize