I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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