There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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