where am i from again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize