what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize