Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize