i already hear my dad disowning me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize