so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i will never coherently bang her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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