Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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