The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dear god my vagina.
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