Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize