there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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