Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize