Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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