Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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