I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize