I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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