I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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