No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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