How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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