She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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