I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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