I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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