she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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