We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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