Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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