I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize