Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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