I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize