I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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