my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize