Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize