I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize