tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize