Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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