I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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