things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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