I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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