I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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