I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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