as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize