Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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