i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
You did what with his pubic hair?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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