don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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