I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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