I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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