I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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