So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize