he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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