You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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